If You Let Him In
by Amara Z
Summary: Set during ESB. Leia's thoughts when Han makes his final move aboard the Falcon.


Leave it to Han Solo to make a move on her while they were on the run from the Empire. Only he would have the nerve to do it now in the middle of an impossible situation. As if hiding in an asteroid in the middle of deep space wasn't bad enough. But maybe like her, he had grown tired of their games. While their verbal warfare was at times fun, it was still an unnecessary disruption at a time when she so desperately needed fewer distractions and more time and energy to focus on the task at hand – the war she was so determined to win.

As the handsome Corellian eased himself towards her in the small space of the circuitry bay, there was only general curiosity and concern on his face. Nothing to indicate at first he had more on his mind than offering assistance. But her defenses went up quickly as he drew nearer and she had a feeling there was no deflecting his attention this time. No amount of teasing, nagging, or arguing was going to get her out of this.

_If you let him in, he will hurt you._

The words came unbidden as they always had. It was that voice that constantly reminded her of her duties. That always reminded her of Han's more obvious nature and had her incredulous, wary, and suspicious for the last three years. It was hard to tell if it was time, war, or politics that had done that to her, that had honed the slightly jaded part of her. But it was still there. And even with a prevalence of good deeds as of late, part of her remained convinced Han was just a scoundrel.

Han continued to move closer and she began to pull back against the wall as far as she could go. She quickly realized how little space she had left. All of her combat and diplomatic training hadn't covered this. Of course she knew about basic interrogation and intrigue. But why hadn't anyone thought of warning her about _this_? No one or nothing had prepared her for the onslaught Han was unleashing on her now. Already, he was close, _too_ close, the musky scent of his skin and his cologne already beginning to override her senses and jumble her ability to reason.

_If you let him in, he will leave you._

This was for certain. Han had made his plans abundantly clear. And there was no changing that fact. He was too deeply in debt to Jabba the Hutt and it would be suicide for him and those around him to stay any longer. But…hadn't he been in debt for years? All this time and he had yet to do anything about it or to actually say good-bye. It had her wondering what it might mean about his intentions and how he felt. Was it possible he was more concerned about something larger than himself? Could it mean that maybe she meant more to him than his own concerns?

The brush of his skin against hers momentarily distracted her as he carefully took her hand in his. His hold on her hand was tight, but delicate, and he began to gently massage it. The contact sent tingles up her spine and it surprised her how easily he could affect her with his touch.

_If you let him in, you will lose him._

This was an unfortunate state of affairs, but no less true. There were very few people left in the galaxy that Leia knew and who knew her. _Truly_ knew her. A flash of light had seen to that. Everyone who had ever touched her was gone, leaving her with a cold, hard reality. One of duty, honor, and a driving need to get the job done. She wasn't naïve. There was no doubt that loving someone during times like these was a high risk proposition. The Rebellion was losing people left and right and there wasn't always a rhyme or reason to it. She knew it deep in her gut to be true. And yet here she was letting Han eek his way into her heart and touch her in a way no one else had.

_If you let him in, it will destroy you._

This was probably Leia's deepest fear. If they did get involved and he left, _when_ he left, where would that leave her? Could she survive another loss? Would she? But apparently she couldn't help it. Her heart already seemed willing to open to him, much to her chagrin. She had tried to stop it, but somehow Han had managed to slip in anyway. How was it that he had the walls she built so carefully for years crumbling as easily as if felled by a detonator? What was it about this man that ruined her best laid plans?

As he loomed over her, the reason was obvious. At this close range, it was so, so easy to become mesmerized by the green and gold flecks in his eyes, by the emotions reflected in their depths. For so long she could only guess at how he felt, but now it was so clearly written all over his face. Could it be that all this time he cared for her more than he admitted? Dare she believe all of the things he had done for her, all of the times he had saved her had been more than just doing the right thing? Dare she let herself fall? Could she let herself take the chance?

The choice was taken out of her hands though as Han made his final move and closed the remaining distance between them, seizing her lips with his in a searing kiss.

_If you let him in, you might fall in love._

As Leia gave herself fully and the last of her resistance slipped away, she knew that was the scariest proposition of them all.


End file.
